Disagree without losing the person

Personal & Social Development · Empathy & Social Awareness · ages 16-18

Name ______________________ Date ____________

Which of these turns a claim fight into a person fight?
- Sticking to one issue
- Mocking their motives
- Speaking calmly about evidence
What should you do before answering someone you disagree with?
- Restate their view in your words and check you got it right
- Fire back as fast as you can
- Change the subject at once
Raising your voice is a fair way to win a point your reasons cannot win.
Circle one: True False
How do you keep a disagreement on reasons rather than winning?
- Ask what evidence would change each mind
- Keep score of past faults
- Speak only in slogans
Why does restating their view remove heat from arguments?
- It proves you are smarter
- People calm down once they feel understood
- It ends the talk at once
Which of these is a genuine apology?
- Sorry if you were offended
- I was stressed, so forget it
- I shared your notes without asking, which broke your trust, and I will ask first from now on
Midway through a debate, Priya sees a chart that sinks her case. What is her best move?
- Deny the chart and shout louder
- Say so plainly, thank them, and update her position
- Quietly change the subject
Ken answers a version of Ana's view that she never held. What went wrong?
- Ken skipped the restate-and-check step, so he attacks a view nobody holds
- Ana spoke too quietly
- Ken agreed too quickly

Answer key

For grown-ups. Fold this page away before handing over the rest.

Mocking their motives · Motives belong to the person, not the claim. Attacking them moves the fight off the idea entirely.
Restate their view in your words and check you got it right · Understanding comes before answering. People also calm down once they feel understood.
False · False. Volume is not a reason. Fair arguments are won by claims and evidence, never by loudness.
Ask what evidence would change each mind · Naming your price for changing sides shows confidence and keeps both eyes on the evidence.
People calm down once they feel understood · Feeling heard lowers the guard. The talk can then stay on reasons instead of pride.
I shared your notes without asking, which broke your trust, and I will ask first from now on · It names the act, says why it was wrong, and offers the fix. The others dodge with vagueness or excuses.
Say so plainly, thank them, and update her position · Owning the miss in public shows strength. She leaves with a better answer than she brought.
Ken skipped the restate-and-check step, so he attacks a view nobody holds · Without passing her check, Ken cannot know his target. He fights a shadow while the real claim stands untouched.